An airplane is flying over the United States at night.
The pilot says:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, the plane is losing altitude and all the baggage must be thrown out."
A little later, the pilot says "We're still losing altitude, we must throw anything out that is in the cabin".
The plane continues its descent despite more things being thrown out.
Pilot: "Still going down - we must throw out some people". There's a big gasp from the passengers!
Pilot: "But to make this fair, passenger will be thrown out in alphabetical order.
So... A... Any Africans on board?" No one moves.
"B... Any Blacks on board?" No one moves.
"C... Any Coloureds on board?" Still, no one moves.
"D... Any Darkies?
A little black boy - asks his dad: "Dad,...what are we?
Dad: " Tonight son, we are Zulus"
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Some Good Jokes
Santa was filling up an application form for a job. He was not sure as to what was to be filled in the column "Salary Expected". After much thought he wrote : Yes!
Santa! Your daughter has died! Depressed, he jumps from the 100th floorAt the 50th floor, he remembers he doesn't have a daughter!At the 25th flr: He's unmarried!At the 10th: He's Banta not Santa.
Santa wins 20 cr from a Rs. 20 lottery ticket. The Dealer gives him 11 cr after deducting taxes. Angry Santa: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!"
When Santa & his wife filed an application for divorce, the Judge asked: "How will you divide, you have 3 children?" Pat came Santa's reply: "Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR."
Santa's wish: When I die, I wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep? Not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..
Santa at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call Modern art? Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!
Santa was writing something very slowly. Banta asked: "Why are you writing so slowly?"Santa: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast."
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab. Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..[/b]
Santa! Your daughter has died! Depressed, he jumps from the 100th floorAt the 50th floor, he remembers he doesn't have a daughter!At the 25th flr: He's unmarried!At the 10th: He's Banta not Santa.
Santa wins 20 cr from a Rs. 20 lottery ticket. The Dealer gives him 11 cr after deducting taxes. Angry Santa: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!"
When Santa & his wife filed an application for divorce, the Judge asked: "How will you divide, you have 3 children?" Pat came Santa's reply: "Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR."
Santa's wish: When I die, I wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep? Not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..
Santa at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call Modern art? Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!
Santa was writing something very slowly. Banta asked: "Why are you writing so slowly?"Santa: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast."
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab. Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..[/b]
CUSTOMER CARE IN 2020
Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your..."
Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."
Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?" Customer: "It's eh..., hold.......... on......889861356102049998-45-54610"
Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"
Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.9! 9"
Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card? "
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"
Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records,you've reached your
daily limit on machine withdrawal today&quo t;
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready.
How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle... "
Customer: " What!"
Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Scooter,...registration number 1123..."
Customer: " ????"
Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing.! .. by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "
Customer: "***%&$%%### You $##$%%@!)))"
Operator "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"
Customer: Faints...
Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."
Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?" Customer: "It's eh..., hold.......... on......889861356102049998-45-54610"
Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"
Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.9! 9"
Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card? "
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"
Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records,you've reached your
daily limit on machine withdrawal today&quo t;
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready.
How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle... "
Customer: " What!"
Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Scooter,...registration number 1123..."
Customer: " ????"
Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing.! .. by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "
Customer: "***%&$%%### You $##$%%@!)))"
Operator "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"
Customer: Faints...
Mistake
If a barber makes a mistake,
It's a new style...
If a driver makes a mistake,
It is an accident...
If a doctor makes a mistake,
It's an operation...
If a engineer makes a mistake,
It is a new venture...
If parents makes a mistake,
It is a new generation...
If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a new law...
If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a new invention...
If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a new fashion...
If a teacher makes a mistake,
It is a new theory...
If our boss makes a mistake,
It is our mistake...
If an employee makes a mistake,
It is a "MISTAKE"
It's a new style...
If a driver makes a mistake,
It is an accident...
If a doctor makes a mistake,
It's an operation...
If a engineer makes a mistake,
It is a new venture...
If parents makes a mistake,
It is a new generation...
If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a new law...
If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a new invention...
If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a new fashion...
If a teacher makes a mistake,
It is a new theory...
If our boss makes a mistake,
It is our mistake...
If an employee makes a mistake,
It is a "MISTAKE"
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