Police arrestd a drunkard & askd: Where r u goin?
Man: I'm goin 2 listen lecture on ill effcts of drinking.
Cop: Who'll lecture at midnite?
Man: My wife...
Law Professor: Which is the most important LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business?
Student: Father-in-Law!
Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll kill u.
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
What's the biggest pressure for Pak captain when Pak needs 1 run to win in 8 over’s, with 5 wickets in hand?
Ya Allah! How to speak English in presentation ceremony?
Beggar: Saab 12Rs do na coffee peeni hai.
Man: Lekin coffee to 6Rs ki hai?
Beggar: Par saab girlfrend bhi to hai.
Man: Bhikari hokar bhi GF banali.
Beggar: Na saab,GF ne Bhikari bana diya!
Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!
Wats the diff between Complete & Finished?
If you find good wife u r complete otherwise u r finished.
So many options: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow but sure!
Have u heard about the man who threw his wife into a pond of crocodiles? He's now being harassed by the animal rights for being cruel to the crocodiles.
Two men r talking. 1st: I got married coz I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry & wearing shabby clothes.
2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons
Wife: If I dismiss the cook and make the food myself for a month, what will you pay me?
Husband: I won't have to pay you, you'll get my entire insurance amount.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Friday, August 1, 2008
Poor Boys
When a Girl Cries ------------ The World "Consoles" her
But when a boy cries ---------- Come on man don't be A "Girl"
If A Girl slaps a Boy ----------- Definitely the Boy would have "done something"
If Boy Slaps a girl ------------ -- Rascal doesn't know how to "Respect Ladies"
If a Girl is talking to Boys ----- She is "Very Friendly"
If a Boy talks to a Girl ---------- He is "flirting"
If a Girl meets with accident ------------ -------- Then its "mistake of others"
If a Boy meets with same accident ------------ Bloody you "don't know how to Drive"
Friday, July 11, 2008
Sardar Jokes
Q. Why can't Sardar dial 911?
A. They can not find the eleven on the phone
Q. What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies?
A. He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!
Q. What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper?
A. As he has already one with him, he takes a photocopy of the white paper !!!
Q. Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
A. Because below 18 was not allowed.
Q. How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
A. Stick a tyre pressure gauge in his ear.
Q. What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q. What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
A. Run like crazy….he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
Q. How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
A. Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
Q. What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A. Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q. Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
A. So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
Q. Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
A. They always forget the recipe.
Q. How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
A. He threw it off a cliff.
Q. What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A. A wind tunnel.
Q. What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
A. The back of his head.
Q. Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
A. They think their picture is being taken.
Q. Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
A. Toes Go In First.
Q. How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
A. It has a stamp on it.
Q. How do you get Sardar on the roof?
A. Tell him the drinks are on the house.
Q. "Oh, look at the dead bird.
A. " Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
One cup tea or One cup trouble!
A Sardar joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.
On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: "Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded: "You fool; you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"
"No" replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"
Sardar shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?"
"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.
"Thank God!" replied the Sardar and put down the phone
On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: "Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded: "You fool; you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"
"No" replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"
Sardar shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?"
"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.
"Thank God!" replied the Sardar and put down the phone
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
Regards,
Banta
Last one from me to Mr. Bill Gates :
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
- There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
- We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.
- One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
- There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
- My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
- I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
- It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
- There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
- You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
- You provide 'My Network Places'. For God shake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
Banta
Last one from me to Mr. Bill Gates :
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Self Appraisal!..... Nice one.
It's a telephonic conversation of a boy!!
The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:
Boy: "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
Woman: (at the other end of the phone line): "I already have someone to cut my lawn."
Boy: "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now."
Woman: I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn.
Boy: (with more perseverance): "Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach , Florida
Woman: No, thank you.
With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.
Store Owner: "Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job."
Boy: "No thanks,
Store Owner: But you were really pleading for one.
Boy: No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady, I was talking to!"
This is what we call "Self Appraisal"
The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:
Boy: "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
Woman: (at the other end of the phone line): "I already have someone to cut my lawn."
Boy: "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now."
Woman: I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn.
Boy: (with more perseverance): "Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach , Florida
Woman: No, thank you.
With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.
Store Owner: "Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job."
Boy: "No thanks,
Store Owner: But you were really pleading for one.
Boy: No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady, I was talking to!"
This is what we call "Self Appraisal"
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
School Days
Teacher :"What is your name?".
Student: "Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask a question in English, answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight.
Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student : Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher : What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.
Question: What is the fullform of maths.
Answer: Mentally affected teachers harassing students
Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE
Teacher : Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student: A holiday
Teacher : Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju: No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher : Why?
Raju: My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
Teacher: "Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence? "
Johnny: "Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny: He became father only after I was born. (1st Rank)
Student: "Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask a question in English, answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight.
Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student : Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher : What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.
Question: What is the fullform of maths.
Answer: Mentally affected teachers harassing students
Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE
Teacher : Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student: A holiday
Teacher : Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju: No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher : Why?
Raju: My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
Teacher: "Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence? "
Johnny: "Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny: He became father only after I was born. (1st Rank)
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Monday, March 31, 2008
S/W Engineer vs Doctor vs Priest
A Priest, a Doctor and an Software ENGINEER die and go to heaven, they hear God's voice and it says:
" My dear sons I am really very sorry but the heaven is full and I can accommodate only one of u, so to choose the right person, one by one tell me what u have done in your lifetime.
"The Priest goes up first and says "well God I'm a priest, I am u r humble servant and have spent all my life working to spread your message."
The Doctor goes up next and says "well I'm a doctor and I have helped thousands of people recover from their illnesses"
The SOFTWARE ENGINEER goes up says "well I worked as an SOFTWARE ENGINEER and........",
before the ENGINEER could say anything further, the heaven's gates opened and God came with tears in his eyes and said to the SOFTWARE ENGINEER
Say no more my son come with me, u have already been thru HELL...
" My dear sons I am really very sorry but the heaven is full and I can accommodate only one of u, so to choose the right person, one by one tell me what u have done in your lifetime.
"The Priest goes up first and says "well God I'm a priest, I am u r humble servant and have spent all my life working to spread your message."
The Doctor goes up next and says "well I'm a doctor and I have helped thousands of people recover from their illnesses"
The SOFTWARE ENGINEER goes up says "well I worked as an SOFTWARE ENGINEER and........",
before the ENGINEER could say anything further, the heaven's gates opened and God came with tears in his eyes and said to the SOFTWARE ENGINEER
Say no more my son come with me, u have already been thru HELL...
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
U KNOW ABOUT ABC....XYZ OF LOVE
A - ASK LESS,GIVE MORE
B - BELIVE IN TOGETHERC
C - CALL EACH OTHER NO REASON ATALL
D - DON'T GIVE UPON EACH OTHER
E - EXPRESS WITH ACTIONS
F - FORGET EACH OTHER OTHER FAULTS
G - GIVE EACH OTHER TOP PRIORITY
H - HOLD HANDS NOT GRUDGES
I - INSIST ON A KISS WHENEVER MET
J - JUST DON'T CARE ABOUT ANY THING ELSE
K - KEEP NO SECRETS FROM EACH OTHER
L - LOOK NO FUTHER THAN UR BELOVED
M - MAKE UP UR HEART NOT UR MIND
N - NEVER SAY " NO"
O - OVER LOOK UR SELF
P - PREACH LESS,PRACTICE MORE
Q - QUIT BAD HABITS,DEVELOP GOOD
R - REPLY TO PHONES,SMS,LETTERS AGAIN &AGAIN
S - SLEEP LESS,DREAM MORE
T - TUNE INTO EACHOTHER CONSTANTLY
U - UNDERSTAND EACHOTHER PERFECTLY
V - VOTE FOR RITE TO LOVE
W - WHISPER EVERY SWEET NOTINGS FOR HRS&HRS
X - X-RATE EVERY MOMENT SPENT TOGETHER
Y - YEARN FOR EACH OTHER ENDLESSLY
Z - ZOOM IN & OUT OF EACH OTHERS THOUGHTS
............ ...ALLTIME
B - BELIVE IN TOGETHERC
C - CALL EACH OTHER NO REASON ATALL
D - DON'T GIVE UPON EACH OTHER
E - EXPRESS WITH ACTIONS
F - FORGET EACH OTHER OTHER FAULTS
G - GIVE EACH OTHER TOP PRIORITY
H - HOLD HANDS NOT GRUDGES
I - INSIST ON A KISS WHENEVER MET
J - JUST DON'T CARE ABOUT ANY THING ELSE
K - KEEP NO SECRETS FROM EACH OTHER
L - LOOK NO FUTHER THAN UR BELOVED
M - MAKE UP UR HEART NOT UR MIND
N - NEVER SAY " NO"
O - OVER LOOK UR SELF
P - PREACH LESS,PRACTICE MORE
Q - QUIT BAD HABITS,DEVELOP GOOD
R - REPLY TO PHONES,SMS,LETTERS AGAIN &AGAIN
S - SLEEP LESS,DREAM MORE
T - TUNE INTO EACHOTHER CONSTANTLY
U - UNDERSTAND EACHOTHER PERFECTLY
V - VOTE FOR RITE TO LOVE
W - WHISPER EVERY SWEET NOTINGS FOR HRS&HRS
X - X-RATE EVERY MOMENT SPENT TOGETHER
Y - YEARN FOR EACH OTHER ENDLESSLY
Z - ZOOM IN & OUT OF EACH OTHERS THOUGHTS
............ ...ALLTIME
FRIENDSHIP Means
FRIENDSHIP MEAN BEAUTY OF A HUMAN
FRIENDSHIP MEAN LIKE GOLDS
FRIENDSHIP MEAN FRESH FLOWER
FRIENDSHIP MEAN FEELING
FRIENDSHIP MEAN HAPPINESS
FRIENDSHIP MEAN PLEASED
FRIENDSHIP MEAN SHARING
FRIENDSHIP MEAN THINKING
FRIENDSHIP MEAN SUGGESTION
FRIENDSHIP MEAN CONNECTION
FRIENDSHIP MEAN WASTING TIME
FRIENDSHIP MEAN KILLER OF LIFE
FRIENDSHIP MEAN TEASING
FRIENDSHIP MEAN JOKING
FRIENDSHIP MEAN GOOD RELATIONSHIP
FRIENDSHIP MEAN GOOD PARTNER
FRIENDSHIP MEAN CALLING IN A SAVIOR CONDITION
FRIENDSHIP MEAN LEAVING IN A SAVIOR CONDITION
FRIENDSHIP MEAN LIVING IN A GOOD CONDITION
FRIENDSHIP MEAN TIME PASS
FRIENDSHIP MEAN INVESTIGATE
FRIENDSHIP MEANS A PART OF LIFE
FRIENDSHIP MEANS A NICE THING
FRIENDSHIP MEANS A RIVER
FRIENDSHIP MEAN WINDS
FRIENDSHIP MEAN VERY SENSITIVE RELATION
FRIENDSHIP MEAN TREES OF FOOD
FRIENDSHIP MEAN TASTE THAN SUGAR
So lets be friends forever .............
FRIENDSHIP MEAN LIKE GOLDS
FRIENDSHIP MEAN FRESH FLOWER
FRIENDSHIP MEAN FEELING
FRIENDSHIP MEAN HAPPINESS
FRIENDSHIP MEAN PLEASED
FRIENDSHIP MEAN SHARING
FRIENDSHIP MEAN THINKING
FRIENDSHIP MEAN SUGGESTION
FRIENDSHIP MEAN CONNECTION
FRIENDSHIP MEAN WASTING TIME
FRIENDSHIP MEAN KILLER OF LIFE
FRIENDSHIP MEAN TEASING
FRIENDSHIP MEAN JOKING
FRIENDSHIP MEAN GOOD RELATIONSHIP
FRIENDSHIP MEAN GOOD PARTNER
FRIENDSHIP MEAN CALLING IN A SAVIOR CONDITION
FRIENDSHIP MEAN LEAVING IN A SAVIOR CONDITION
FRIENDSHIP MEAN LIVING IN A GOOD CONDITION
FRIENDSHIP MEAN TIME PASS
FRIENDSHIP MEAN INVESTIGATE
FRIENDSHIP MEANS A PART OF LIFE
FRIENDSHIP MEANS A NICE THING
FRIENDSHIP MEANS A RIVER
FRIENDSHIP MEAN WINDS
FRIENDSHIP MEAN VERY SENSITIVE RELATION
FRIENDSHIP MEAN TREES OF FOOD
FRIENDSHIP MEAN TASTE THAN SUGAR
So lets be friends forever .............
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
This is an excellent piece of art !
Take your own time ....u will see
TEN NATIONAL LEADERS
within this tree.
Real good one.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Nuvvu Naaku Nachchaav - Latest version
Devuda,
Cheppu kovadaniki JOB ichav,
Choopinchataaniki ID CARD ichav,
Free ga ICICI ACCOUNT ichav,
Every month SALARY ichav,
Devuda,
Koorchovataniki KURCHI ichav,
Vundataaniki CUBICLE ichav,
Mails check cheyyataniki SYSTEM ichav,
Chatting ki COMMUNICATOR ichav,
Devuda,
Kaali ga vunte CCD ichav,
Time pass kosam TERMINAL ichav,
Lunch kosam LOTUS icahv,
Punch kosam GOLCONDA kooda ichav,
Kaani,,,
Enduku nannu BENCH meeda vunchav,
ANDUKE NUVVU NAAKU NACHAV…
NACHAV…. NACHAV.. anthe....
Cheppu kovadaniki JOB ichav,
Choopinchataaniki ID CARD ichav,
Free ga ICICI ACCOUNT ichav,
Every month SALARY ichav,
Devuda,
Koorchovataniki KURCHI ichav,
Vundataaniki CUBICLE ichav,
Mails check cheyyataniki SYSTEM ichav,
Chatting ki COMMUNICATOR ichav,
Devuda,
Kaali ga vunte CCD ichav,
Time pass kosam TERMINAL ichav,
Lunch kosam LOTUS icahv,
Punch kosam GOLCONDA kooda ichav,
Kaani,,,
Enduku nannu BENCH meeda vunchav,
ANDUKE NUVVU NAAKU NACHAV…
NACHAV…. NACHAV.. anthe....
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
A TO Z
An airplane is flying over the United States at night.
The pilot says:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, the plane is losing altitude and all the baggage must be thrown out."
A little later, the pilot says "We're still losing altitude, we must throw anything out that is in the cabin".
The plane continues its descent despite more things being thrown out.
Pilot: "Still going down - we must throw out some people". There's a big gasp from the passengers!
Pilot: "But to make this fair, passenger will be thrown out in alphabetical order.
So... A... Any Africans on board?" No one moves.
"B... Any Blacks on board?" No one moves.
"C... Any Coloureds on board?" Still, no one moves.
"D... Any Darkies?
A little black boy - asks his dad: "Dad,...what are we?
Dad: " Tonight son, we are Zulus"
The pilot says:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, the plane is losing altitude and all the baggage must be thrown out."
A little later, the pilot says "We're still losing altitude, we must throw anything out that is in the cabin".
The plane continues its descent despite more things being thrown out.
Pilot: "Still going down - we must throw out some people". There's a big gasp from the passengers!
Pilot: "But to make this fair, passenger will be thrown out in alphabetical order.
So... A... Any Africans on board?" No one moves.
"B... Any Blacks on board?" No one moves.
"C... Any Coloureds on board?" Still, no one moves.
"D... Any Darkies?
A little black boy - asks his dad: "Dad,...what are we?
Dad: " Tonight son, we are Zulus"
Some Good Jokes
Santa was filling up an application form for a job. He was not sure as to what was to be filled in the column "Salary Expected". After much thought he wrote : Yes!
Santa! Your daughter has died! Depressed, he jumps from the 100th floorAt the 50th floor, he remembers he doesn't have a daughter!At the 25th flr: He's unmarried!At the 10th: He's Banta not Santa.
Santa wins 20 cr from a Rs. 20 lottery ticket. The Dealer gives him 11 cr after deducting taxes. Angry Santa: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!"
When Santa & his wife filed an application for divorce, the Judge asked: "How will you divide, you have 3 children?" Pat came Santa's reply: "Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR."
Santa's wish: When I die, I wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep? Not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..
Santa at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call Modern art? Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!
Santa was writing something very slowly. Banta asked: "Why are you writing so slowly?"Santa: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast."
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab. Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..[/b]
Santa! Your daughter has died! Depressed, he jumps from the 100th floorAt the 50th floor, he remembers he doesn't have a daughter!At the 25th flr: He's unmarried!At the 10th: He's Banta not Santa.
Santa wins 20 cr from a Rs. 20 lottery ticket. The Dealer gives him 11 cr after deducting taxes. Angry Santa: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!"
When Santa & his wife filed an application for divorce, the Judge asked: "How will you divide, you have 3 children?" Pat came Santa's reply: "Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR."
Santa's wish: When I die, I wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep? Not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..
Santa at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call Modern art? Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!
Santa was writing something very slowly. Banta asked: "Why are you writing so slowly?"Santa: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast."
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab. Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..[/b]
CUSTOMER CARE IN 2020
Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your..."
Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."
Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?" Customer: "It's eh..., hold.......... on......889861356102049998-45-54610"
Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"
Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.9! 9"
Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card? "
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"
Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records,you've reached your
daily limit on machine withdrawal today&quo t;
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready.
How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle... "
Customer: " What!"
Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Scooter,...registration number 1123..."
Customer: " ????"
Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing.! .. by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "
Customer: "***%&$%%### You $##$%%@!)))"
Operator "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"
Customer: Faints...
Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."
Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?" Customer: "It's eh..., hold.......... on......889861356102049998-45-54610"
Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"
Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.9! 9"
Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card? "
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"
Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records,you've reached your
daily limit on machine withdrawal today&quo t;
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready.
How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle... "
Customer: " What!"
Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Scooter,...registration number 1123..."
Customer: " ????"
Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing.! .. by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "
Customer: "***%&$%%### You $##$%%@!)))"
Operator "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"
Customer: Faints...
Mistake
If a barber makes a mistake,
It's a new style...
If a driver makes a mistake,
It is an accident...
If a doctor makes a mistake,
It's an operation...
If a engineer makes a mistake,
It is a new venture...
If parents makes a mistake,
It is a new generation...
If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a new law...
If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a new invention...
If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a new fashion...
If a teacher makes a mistake,
It is a new theory...
If our boss makes a mistake,
It is our mistake...
If an employee makes a mistake,
It is a "MISTAKE"
It's a new style...
If a driver makes a mistake,
It is an accident...
If a doctor makes a mistake,
It's an operation...
If a engineer makes a mistake,
It is a new venture...
If parents makes a mistake,
It is a new generation...
If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a new law...
If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a new invention...
If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a new fashion...
If a teacher makes a mistake,
It is a new theory...
If our boss makes a mistake,
It is our mistake...
If an employee makes a mistake,
It is a "MISTAKE"
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