Its LALOO TIME

One day Laloo was travelling by his car. He was going to a village for campaigning . Suddenly a piglet came before the car.

The driver could'nt hit the brake at the right time and unfortunately the baby pig was killed in the accident . At the sight Laloo was deeply moved and felt very upset He called the driver and said ,"Jiska e suuar hai hum usko compensesan dena chahta hoon . Usko dhundke lav ".

At his words the driver went to the nearest village and came back after some time with a tilak on his forehead, garlands around his neck and lots of money in his hands!!!

Laloo was surprised . He asked ,"Hum tumko kaha tha ke uss aadmi ko laiye , aur tum aise wapas aaye ho! baat kya hai?"

At this the driver replied " I told them about the incident . Hearing it they were rejoiced , put tilak and garlands on me, then danced for some time and gave this money."

Laloo then asked him "Aap unko eg-jectly kaa bole?"

The driver replied : "Main bola, mein Laloo Prasad Yadav ka driver hoon, maine suaar ke bachhe ko mar dala hai.........."

Some stupid questions...

People usually ask obvious situations and some equally stupid answers:

At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question: Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer: Don't u know, I sell tickets in black over here.


In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question: Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer: No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia. Why don't you try again?


At a funeral: One of the teary eyed people ask...
Stupid Question: Why, why him, of all people.
Answer: Why? Would it rather have been you?


At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question: Is the "Paneer Butter Masala" dish good?
Answer: No, it’s terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit on it.


At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years.
Stupid Question: Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer: Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.


When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question: Is the guy you're marrying well?
Answer: No, he's a miserable wife beating, insensitive lout...it's just the money.


When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question: Sorry. Were you sleeping?
Answer: No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not.
And you thought I was sleeping.... You dumb witted moron.


When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question: Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer: No, its autumn and I'm shedding.


At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question: Tell me if it hurts?
Answer: No it won’t. It will just bleed.


You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Stupid Question: Oh, so you smoke.
Answer: Gosh, it's a miracle ...it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!

ELEPHANT JOKES

Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit card.

Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?
A:Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin.

Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Because it fell asleep.

Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was glued to the first one.

Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was a copy cat.

Q: Why did the fourth elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It thought this was all a game.

Q: And why did the tree fall down?
A: It thought it was an elephant.

Q: What does an elephant and a blueberry have in common?
A: They're both blue, except for the elephant.

Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw 1,000 elephants coming over the hill?
A: Look, there's 1,000 elephants coming over the hill.

Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.

Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you shoot a green elephant?
A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Aw, come on, have you ever seen a yellow elephant !?!

Q: Why do elephants have red eyes?
A: So they can hide themselves better in cherry trees.

Q: Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
A: No? See how well the trick with the red eyes works?

Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A: Time to get a new fence.

Q: Where does an 8 ton elephant sit?
A: Any damn place where he pleases!

Q: Why is an elephant covered in wrinkles?
A: Ever try to iron one?