Read this and laugh

What makes: ”Ooooooo“?

An Cow without lips.


Female friend to her blonde girl friend; ” I went for a pregnancy test yesterday“ Blonde friend: ”Oh, was it difficult?“


Little boy asks his spinster aunt: ”Why have you never married?“ she replied: ”because I have a parrot, a dog and a cat. They are just like a man, the parrot swears like a man, the dog farts continuously like a man and the cat strays at night , like a man!“


A girl was yelling in the Church after the Chapel:
"Oh God! Please make Moscow the Capital of China!"
The priest inquired: "Why must you pray so, my child?"

Girl: "That's what I've written in my answer sheet in the examination!"


Granny gets on to her bicycle…her little grandson asked her: ”Where are you going to, Granny?“ She replied:“ to the graveyard, my boy“. Grandson: “but who is going to bring the bicycle back?“


Definition of a Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.


Definition of a Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.


Definition of a Divorce : Future tense of marriage

Definition of a Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.

Definition of a Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight

Grandma's Boy friend

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with
his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and
said,

"Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to
heaven?"

Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom
and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and
the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started
adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated,
she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door,
and there stood Grandma's minister.

The minister said, "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?"

The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her
boyfriend."

The minister fainted.